Deleting Apps

I've never been great at change. Dedicated readers of the blog (which includes only our families since it's usually just cat photos) might remember my difficulty getting rid of the couches we  first had. My nesting phase was awesome for tossing things, but I think that was just to clear the way for hanging on to baby things. 

Today I went to download a white noise app for Henry and saw the kick counter and contraction tracker apps. I'm not sure why those hit me harder than my reflection in the mirror, but they weighed heavy in change. I'm so happy to see the little guy and kiss his face but I couldn't help but think of the woman who downloaded those apps and how she too left at delivery. 

Parts of pregnancy left a lot to be desired but the movement was always my favorite. I counted at work and loved getting to know him before the world did. It's a fascinating thing, the emotions of it all. So much shock, change, love, hope, fear, growth, and dedication go into being a "we."  Then one snowy day, you each become individuals again. I got a new title, mother, but lost another, pregnant. 

I can see the beauty in the change, but I still can't bring myself to delete the apps. One day they will go to make room for Henry photos and maybe one day they will come back for even more adventure.